Collars can have a multitude of meanings in a D/s relationship. They can show ownership, devotion, or subservience, and can be as meaningful as a wedding ring. They can be essential for some kinds of BDSM lifestyles, or just add spice to an already fun, kinky session.
But what about wearing a collar outside of a relationship? Because of these relationship- and partner-status contexts, many people are feel discouraged from wearing a collar just for themselves.
Some in the lifestyle may ask, “What if I don’t have a Master/Mistress right now? Can I still wear a collar?” The answer is that someone who’s rockin’ their singlehood can definitely wear one, though many people are dispirited by the connotations of their relationship status to sport their own. Some potential wearers might feel like it needs to be gifted to them or else it wouldn’t be a “real” collar.
Here are some reasons why you should stop caring about what a collar is “supposed to” mean and adorn yourself with one of your own if you feel like it:
The feeling of being comforted and in control - Kate Sloan, bloggess of GirlyJuice, writes for Kinkly: “Even when I’m single, collars bring me comfort. They’re like an encouragement from a hypothetical future partner, or from the bravest part of my inner self.”
The symbolism – Collars send a message to others about what kind of kink or lifestyle you’re into. Different collars have different meanings to different groups, and can explain better than words what kind of roles or play you’re willing to take part in.
The glory of feeling edgy and powerful while in a vanilla setting. Wear them with whatever makes you feel sensuous and formidable.
Match subtle day-wear collars to your outfit so no one but you know what it’s for, like a sexy little secret.
Or go the opposite direction and draw the gazes or curious vanilla-folk. Wear something loud and terrifying to passerby: maybe a huge spiked leather collar with kitten bells and neon-colored lace, with a tag that says “ME” (as the answer to “who owns you?” of course).
Just feeling pretty – Maybe that rose gold collar makes your skin tone glow, your freckles shine like stars, and is perfectly on point with the rest of your outfit. Who says that a statement piece has to make a statement? Wear it because you and the collar are cute as heck together.
Learning to love yourself first – This is important no matter your relationship status. Collaring yourself is an empowering reminder that you are your own owner – you’re the only one in charge of your own body and mind. Wearing that collar gives you permission to love and protect yourself, and reminds you that you’re worth every ounce of energy it takes to maintain and remember that love.
Say you got yourself that perfect collar after all – you know the one, that jaw-dropping gorgeous collar that made you blush as soon as you saw it. Now what?
You can have a collaring ceremony of course.
Collaring ceremonies are not the sole property of those in relationships. They’re symbolic and meaningful, but it’s a ceremony you can have with yourself too. Here’s how:
- Light a few candles to set a mood.
- In front of a mirror, place the collar on yourself.
- Admire how good you look in it.
- Then make a promise to yourself that you will be devoted to yourself and care for yourself with love and meaning, as any good and rightful owner would.
- Then wink at your reflection, because you’re sexy in that collar.